Is it the law of the universe that as soon as you say things are going well that they go a bit pear shaped? It seems to be the way of things at the moment. Skip this post if you can't be bothered with my trivial worries today.
Today at work I had one of those uncomfortable settling in moments with someone else in the office. Stupid. Nothing major, but uncomfortable all the same. I overreacted to a situation and they let me know it. I spent the rest of the afternoon feeling uncomfortable and worrying about what they thought of me. So stupid. Seriously, it was a tiny, tiny little thing.
I wish I could just let things go. I have so much trouble letting things go. I'm also have so much difficulty forgiving myself for not being perfect, for overreacting, for just being human. How I want to find my way with this. I crave some respite from overthinking and worry. I want a break from constantly worry about what people think about me. I want to be able to live a messy, happy human existence without constantly feeling embarrassed about things I say or do that are so small in the scheme of things.
If I had joined in This Is... last Sunday when you got to choose your own theme I would have posted This Is...What I Really, Really Want. I want to be healthy. I want my physical and emotional health back. I'm on the way. I'm doing all the right things. Chinese medicine, walking, being creative, listening to lots of music and getting back to healthy eating. This evening I added a nice gentle Hatha Yoga into the mix. In fact, I doubt I could be doing a better job than what I'm doing.
Days like today it just won't happen fast enough. Days like today I want to be untouchable. I want to be free of the self-doubt and self-consciousness. Days like today I can see all the things that I haven't managed to incorporate yet. I'm not reading and I want to be. I spend to much time blogging and don't dedicate time to other interests. I still eat too much chocolate. I'm sure you know how it goes.
One step back. It was only yesterday I was saying how cruisy everything was feeling.